Are we really busy???

Posted by redthil On 7/13/2009 10:32:00 PM

The latest buzz word which i hear often these days is "busy". its either "i'm busy" or "i thought you're busy".

First, when will you say that you're busy? or how can you identify whether we're busy or not? My answer for that is plain and simple, when you haven't spoken with your friend for 'long time' (and the time-period for that 'long time' varies based on person to person). The reason for me to use 'friend', than any other relationship, is just because, you've the total freedom with friends, its neither a 'duty', which is the case with parents and relatives, nor 'mandatory', which is the case with your other-half or lover. you have the entire control over, when to talk to your friends, and also whom to talk, in that big list of friends. And all these absolutely out of your own personal INTEREST.

Well, just for a moment (tho i was observing about this one, for over some time, say about two months exactly ;) ), lets think of "how busy i'm?". In 24 hours, just remove 8 hours for sleep (and the time spent with your other-half), then 8 hours of work (this should be re-considered, but still lets have this 8hrs include chatting and moving along with other friends at work place.. but these days, this also includes lot of time of talking to your other-half or lover). So, remaining is a solid 8 hours, in which remove 4 hours for food and travel (roaming around or the time spent just for going one place to other). Then, 2 hours for 'duty' or 'mandatory' calls. After all these, we have 2 long hours daily, which is completely within our control, on how to spend that time. It may be for playing, reading, watching tv, etc, etc. But still, considering 2 hours daily, which accumulates to 14 hours a week (considering weekends also has a similar schedule, wherein instead of work, you spend in some other way, just as engaged as you're in work, so that you're not able to talk to your friend). Just wondering, in these 14 hours, cant we call our friend atleast once?? atleast say hi, hru, etc, etc??? ya ya. agreed to the fact that, you have pretty looong list of friends. but, i'm sure that, not all people are in the same level. We'll definitely have priorities for one over the other. So, cant we call atleast to them?? i think, WE CAN.

Finally, let me try to decode on, what makes us really 'busy' that we dont get time to call friends? (i hope you have read the mandatory above para, and hope you understood that we're really not busy) My answer to this question would be, just simply, because of lack of 'interest'. "Lack of Interest"!!!!!!! if you're wondering what that has to do with this, let me explain it little briefly. if you say someone as friend, there is something (or some quality) in them, which made you to be a friend with them. And also, you may have become friend accidently (not only love comes accidently, friendship too), but having an interest in talking to them, have kept that Friendship alive. So, Once that Interest gets affected, and it gets degraded, or if you have totally lost that interest, then You'll never ever get free time to call your 'friend', and you'll always be a busy bee to your friend. But, how does that 'interest' gets degraded or lost? I'll attribute this degradation to Two main things:

First and Foremost one is, "EXPECTATION"s. This is one big thing, and is the major cause for this degradation. We expect our friend to behave/react in someway, and our expectations are not met. degradation does not start immediately. once the disappointments gets accumulated, it slowly eats away all our interest in talking to the Friend. Also, there is another scenario, wherein, we expect our Friend to call us, and in the same way, our Friend wants us to initiate the conversation (basically, the so-called EGO, hidden shadow in each one of us). Ultimately, this tug-off-war continues, for ever and ever and ever. And one more thing is that, we expect or rather, we think that other person is busy and your friend thinks you're busy. here too there's a deadlock. i don't think your friend will ever get disturbed by your Hi. so, never wait for the other person, just go ahead and say Hi. (for all of you, a BIG 'Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii')

Second one is, our Friend's "ACTION"s. This is when, the other person does something, when we have no expectations, but that action somehow makes us feel little bad/sad. The one common thing which we can find in most of the person is, Talk with Friend ONLY when we need a favor from him/her. And when you realize that, the person you think as a Friend, talks to you only when she/he needs something to be done by you, it really makes a huge crater in that "Interest". you wont feel like talking to that person, with the same interest which you had previously before realizing that fact. And also, when you realize that the other person talks to you, just for the sake of talking, which otherwise will make a not-so-good name for him/her, not with any interest in talking. Though these actions from the other person reduces your interest in talking to him/her, in both the cases, its you who have to decide the next course of actions. There is this one other kind, called "Indirect Action", wherein, we just conclude that the other person is not interested, indirectly. examples may be, like not picking calls, no replies for 'many' msgs, or prepared for not talking to you, etc, etc. all these indirectly means the same. tho this may be temporary, it still makes considerable impact in the interest factor.

Whatever the reasons are, the point i want to make here is, Its just that Interest, which keeps the conversation going on, which fuels and keeps Friendship alive. So, never let anything to affect that little interest. And once that interest is always there, You'll definitely feel that, "I'M NOT AT ALL BUSY"


  1. Chandru Said,

    'No comments'
    'Freeya vidu'
    'Athellam prechana illa paathukalaan'
    'Avangellam(busy(!!!!) ah irukaravanga) peria aalu'

    Engayo kaeta maadri illa????

    Posted on Tuesday, July 14, 2009 7:37:00 PM

  2. redthil Said,

    well!!!!!! ya ya.. engaeyo kaetta maathiri irukku... but where'nnu thaan theriyala... :)

    this is just a general observations da... for me, as usual, no expectations from anyone/anything/anywhere/anytime.. so, me always in the ecstasy da.. never worry, Whatever... :)

    Posted on Tuesday, July 14, 2009 10:00:00 PM

  3. Vijesh Said,

    Nice write red. Esp the start! Loved it and was hilarious.

    I have diff point of view and feel you missed out an important aspect in your observations.

    You did not consider the current surroundings! A person's life changes every now and then, say for example I got some of my school time friends who call and yell at me that I don bother to call me or remember them. Thats not actually true, "Call panina than friendship" ah! Its like I'm really in a different surroundings now, I'm being practical with my surroundings. Instead I think of my friends from my past and keep ringing back to them, I will lose my present. More over, keeping touch with all is abs ruled out. Like I will have time to think about my school friends, say when I visit my hometown or school or a sabbatical. If I fail to remember them then, its ignoring. But moving in this fast pace life where I say hi to 1 new stranger is normal. There is 20% probabity that they might become friends and 5% prob that they might become good friends. Do the Maths (yentha enaku theriyathu.. :P) and see how many you need to keep in touch down the years. :)

    Could be your personal opinion, but I feel it should not be so many any's :)

    it should be all some's. We are not saints, still a practical person. :D

    P.S.Nice topic to brain strom about, if you don mind I will cross post a snippet of this in my blog.

    Posted on Wednesday, July 15, 2009 1:23:00 AM

  4. redthil Said,

    mikka nandri hai... (just didnt want to write anything before these three words..)

    About "Surroundings", ofcourse yes.. as far as 'surroundings' and 'probability' is concerned, thats where your 'Priorities' comes into picture. u wont say all are of same priority to you, will you??? but what i want to convey with "priority' is, once you set a priority, try to make sure that, that priority level never comes down (it can be increased tho). caz there is some valid/awesome reason for you to set a priority to someone.

    "Instead I think of my friends from my past and keep ringing back to them, I will lose my present." --- this is where i deviate a little. When u say 'friends', i always want it to be present tense. considering ur stmt, i just wonder, wont it be more awesome to have them too in our present? wont they feel happy? wont you feel happy? And still, you wont want to include all your friends, that will make your situation, a chaos. Always remember 'priority' ;)

    (Nowhere i'm considering persons, whom you dont call as friend, when they are no longer eligible to be called so)

    About saint part, i'll define not having those any's as the Practical Person. The rest as "Normal Person".

    About cross post in your blog.. man, i dont think anyone will deny of that...

    Posted on Wednesday, July 15, 2009 8:22:00 AM

  5. redthil Said,

    And forgot about "Call panina than friendship ah!". i do agree on that. you dont have to prove ur friendship by calling. but, it strengthens friendship a lot, which i think, adds more joy to your life.

    Posted on Wednesday, July 15, 2009 8:30:00 AM

  6. Vijesh Said,


    My priorities does not reduce, as you said it only increses. So when I make a plan for future either to meet priority high or priority low friend, I will choose priority high friend. But if its like talk to your priority high friend keep the priority low friend near you in your present. That doen't do justice! I know the priority high friend knows me well and understand we well.

    I have sooo many high priorities to have them in present at a time. Really, so many to run only into chaos.

    I don agree in calling thing! Thats one form of gesture! There are so many like that, some times my roomie keeps a bottle of water near my bed if I'm fast asleep. Its a lovely small gesture I like.

    Where is the time for me (the self) which is more important than many other things!!!

    Posted on Wednesday, July 15, 2009 2:35:00 PM

  7. Chandru Said,

    Hello Mr. RED and Mr. Vijesh, romba too much!!! Comments are bigger than the blog! ;-)

    I totally agree with both of you. You cannot really conclude what makes a person to phone his/her friend or not. Probably we can come out with the possible reasons many of which you guys summarized in the blog or the comments.

    I would like to add another possible reason here,

    'Mood of a person' - I think this plays a vital role(at least with me). The person may not be really busy, but he/she may not be in a bad mood that his/her mind is completely filled with a particular thing(say something might have gone wrong in office, some personal family problem, etc) that the person's mind doesn't divert towards phoning a friend(here you can argue saying that such things can be shared with the 'high pririoty' friend but that depends upon the individual and the real issue...). When I mentioned about mood, its not only bad mood also the good mood has its role(say for example if the person falls in love or get engaged, you cannot except him/her to be same as before, of course the priority on the whole changes but not the priority when its come to friendship).

    RED, as per your calculations, you said the person may be free for at least 1-2 hrs a day. I totally agree with this, he is physically free but may not be mentally(the mood and his thoughts).

    Thus it's the mutual understanding about each other which keeps the bond between them strong! :)

    P.S. Again, all the above points are just my views and some people in this world have these as reasons. No common reason(s) can be arrived at for such problems.

    Hey hey hey, etho patti mandra thalaivar maadri theerpu sollitennn :P

    Posted on Wednesday, July 15, 2009 4:39:00 PM

  8. Chandru Said,


    In the last update, there are typos like

    'The person may not be really busy, but he/she may not be in a bad mood(I meant good mood here...)' and few more...bare with those mistakes ;-)

    Also, pleaseeeeeeeee don't conclude that I fell in love or got engaged(as I did mention about these things as reasons) ;-)

    To add to Vijesh, reading and following friends' blogs is another good gesture to keep the bond strong! Both of you are doing that and of course both of u are good friends of each other :D

    Hehehehe...The first statement of my previous comment 'Comments are bigger than the blog!' holds good to me as well...So plz don't mention that :P

    Posted on Wednesday, July 15, 2009 5:19:00 PM

  9. redthil Said,

    me never saying to avoid/neglect the friend near you. just saying that, never keep your dear friend in distant. :) and understanding part, everything has a threshold level, even good things too.
    And thanks for reminding me of the SELF part. its really really important. i totally agree on this.

    about the "Mood of person", i think Vijesh too have told the same thing - 'surroundings' :) Mentally!!!! mmmm.. i think not the whole 14 hours... :)
    and remember u too follow the blogs.. :)

    Posted on Thursday, July 16, 2009 12:04:00 AM

  10. Chandru Said,

    How many times shld I ask you not to call me as 'Chandrasekar'? ;-)

    Becoz I also wanted to write something, I wrote about that point!! I didn't realize that Vijesh already mentioned about it.

    Hehehehe...Sorry if that was copyrighted to you! Don't file a case on me :P

    Pothuma da??? Vijesh kitta sorry kaetuten :D

    Posted on Thursday, July 16, 2009 11:03:00 AM

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