“What Crap!!”……. was lying on my bed on a Saturday morning..

 ‘who the F is banging on the door on a Saturday morning’, I mused..

 I stood up… rubbing my eyes… walked upto the door… opened it…

 “Hello”

 I looked down… and saw a short old lady standing at my door smiling at me…

 I tried my best to respond in a same tone… “Hii”… with a forced smile…

 “Son, I stay in the apartment right above yours. I wanted to discuss with you something…”… I guess I heard this

 only … was too sleepy to pay attention…

 Still… I replied, “ok…”

 “Can I come inside…?”, she asked

 “Yep… sure…”, I led her to the drawing room which was obviously – messed up (being a bachelor’s apartment).

 She looked at the sofa… bent a bit… held the side of the sofa… other hand on the seat… her legs and arms trembling…

 and she finally bent further and sat down..

 Well… that for sure opened my eyes…

 “Son, I am an old woman, so I am sorry if I am bothering you at this time of the day.”, she smiled.

 “No problems aunty. Please tell me”, I said

 “Son, I came to know from neighbours that you work in some computer related stuff. I was having a problem in

 sending an e-mail. I am new to this. I have never worked in this thing. So I thought, if you can help me”, said the

 old woman smiling…

 ‘What the F. The production support which I do in my company was already on my nerves. And now this lady comes at

 this time of the day and asks to repair her computer. Sending a Mail!!!!!!...’, I mused

 “Sure”…  ‘I don’t have an option’… latter half was not audible... I hope…

 I went back to bedroom… pulled my towel underneath the pile of clothes… cursing my fate… went to bathroom… washed

 my face… came out… and what I see…

 Her smiling face…!!!

 “Lets go aunty”, I said…

 The alley outside my apartment was not broad enough… and her baby steps assured that I walk the snail’s speed till

 I get bored to death…

 “It is such a beautiful morning… Sun’s out… cool breeze… perfect time to go and do some jogging…  … …”, she went

 on… every statement of hers was followed by ‘yaa’ from my side…

 Anyway… we reached…

 I entered…

 It was silent…

 … I heard something… I guess it was my heartbeat…

 I heard her breathing…

 She looked at my feet and said “You can take out your slippers over there…”

 ‘Hmm… cleanliness freak!!’

 I took out my slippers… went inside.

 It was one of the most beautiful drawing rooms I have ever seen.

 “Nobody at home?”, I asked her

 “I live alone, son”, smiled the old woman.

 ‘Alone, it was so difficult for me to believe that. This old lady who even found it difficult to sit on a sofa… had

 such a beautiful drawing room.’

 “There it is, my headache”, she pointed towards the laptop on the desk.

 ‘Koool….. log in… send a mail for her… and run back to bed…’

 I switched on the laptop… asked her the login id and pass and opened the outlook…

 “Well … my son bought me this laptop. He is such a sweet boy…”, she smiled

 I smiled back… concentrating on the screen.

 “He came … gave me the laptop… connected everything for me… the internet… I don’t know what it does… how it helps…

 but he told me using internet I can see the world… he taught me how to send the mail… how to receive it… how to

 make an email… how to start the computer… how to shut the computer down…”…. Second round…!! she went on and on…

 I smiled back…

 “So what is the problem, aunty”,  I said pointing towards outlook.

 She looked at the screen. Her eyes almost closed with the radiations from the pc.

 “I … I used to send mail…”….

 “I don’t know where I can find the mail which I sent….”, she said

 “In the Sent mails probably…”, I replied…

 “Ahhh… Where’s that…??”, she asked…

 I took the mouse from her… “Give it to me aunty!!”

 I went to Sent Items and showed her the sent mails.

 “Aunty, are these the ones you sent?”, I asked

 She touched the screen…. clapped her hands in jubilation… “ohh yesss... wonderful…. here they are…!!!.... they got

 stuck here… that’s why they did not reach him” , she smiled as a child.

 I was confused but I guess I understood her ignorance.

 “Aunty, If you see the mails in this folder which is ‘Sent Items’, this means… that the mails have been sent.”, I

 said.

 “Ohh… You mean… the mails are already sent to him!!”, she asked

 I saw the screen. Saw the name to which the mail was sent.

 “Ya… Aunty. The mail has been sent to Ashwin Tyagi”…”Who is he?”, I asked.

 “He is my sweeet son… I call him Ashu”, she smiled.

 “Hmm…”

 “Aunty, Why did you think that the mail was not sent?”, I asked.

 “Son, Ashu told me that if we click on the receive button, we receive emails. So I used to send a mail. Then I used

 to click on Receive. And I used to find no e-mail. I again used to send one. I clicked on receive. I found no

 e-mail. I have been doing this past 5 months. I guess you are mistaken. There is surely some problem”, she said.

 My heart skipped a beat.

 5 months!!

 I opened the Sent Items again.

 My sleepy eyes missed the long list of e-mails sent to Ashwin when I saw it the first time.

 ‘Beta Ashu…. How are you… ? I hope you are fine. I am missing you so much. Come home some time.’

 ‘Beta Ashu… did you get my previous mail? I did not get your reply…’

 ‘Beta Ashu… I understand you will be busy with your work… don’t worry… reply whenever you are free’

 ‘Beta Ashu… I thought I will mail you… I am doing good… I have made kheer for you. Do come’

 ‘Beta Ashu… yesterday I had some pain in my neck… now it is fine… I applied jhandu balm.’

 ……

 ….

 ..

 List was endless…

 And painful

 Was it the radiation from pc or was it something else in my eyes…!!

 Last email with the same ID was –

 ‘This is the test mail’

 Swallowing what I saw, “Aunty”, opening the last mail, “Who sent this mail?”

 “Ohh… this mail was sent by Ashu only to show me how to send the mail”, smiled the old woman.

 I did not know how to react… when she spoke

 “I know there is some problem with the computer. I am sure. He called me a month back. He was in a meeting. So I

 could not ask him”

 “He works for a big company…. Earns a lot now. I am so proud of him”, she smiled.

 I did not want to. But I did say – “You should be aunty…”

 “Yess…”, she said with her charismatic smile … “He is such a grown up now… so responsible… he is married to a

 beautiful girl who used to be his classmate. Now he has one boy and one girl…”, she smiled and said like a child…

 “Both used to work out of town, so they shifted over there 3 years back. He used to call me earlier, but then he

 got busy… so we could not talk much. My ears started giving me some problem and I was not able to listen to him on

 phone, so he gave me this laptop.”, she said.

 I was still… I was listening to her… and was watching her smile which was excited by the thought of her son.

 “So, can you fix this son?”, she asked

 I did not want to say that it is working fine.

 I didn’t have an answer better than this - “Aunty, I guess, the send button is working fine but the receive button

 is not working. So Ashu is getting your mail but he does not know that you are not getting his mail. But I don’t

 know how to fix it.”

 “ohh…”, she looked a bit sad.

 I was silent.

 All I could do.

 “…. Can you do me one more favour?”, she asked

 “Sure aunty… sure”, I said. If I could do anything today for her!!

 “It is very irritating for me to type. Hitting those buttons! It takes me ages to find the characters. If Send

 thing is working, I want to send one last mail to my son. Can you type one last mail for me?”, she smiled.

 I had no option. Yet again. But this time I guess I wanted to do it. I wanted to relieve her from this expectation

 of receiving a mail.

 “Sure aunty, tell me what should I type”, I opened a new mail.

 “Type…”

 “Beta Ashu… This is my neighbour typing from my pc…”

 “There seemed to be some problem in sending mails. So I called him to help me.”

 “He also works for a big company like you.”

 “He found the problem but he does not know how to fix it.”

 “The problem is that send button is working fine… but the receive button is not working. Hence, I am not able to

 receive your mails when I click on the receive button.”

 “Beta, it has been 5 months. Please come and meet me. I am missing you so much.”

 “I do not want this laptop. I do not want to see the world in internet.”

 “I want to see you.”

 “Come home.”

 “Your mother…”

 I typed the last words…

 I gasped and turned towards her…

 I guess I saw tears in her eyes … with the same smile…

 She wiped her eyes… smiled “Yess….please send the mail”

 I clicked on send.

 She stood up. Turned around. Went to the bedroom.

 I guess I heard her crying.

 I felt lonely…

 She came. Hurried towards the kitchen.

 “Do you love kheer??”, she asked.

 I smiled… with the tears which just didn’t go “Yes aunty…”

 From the refrigerator she took out the bowl and gave it to me.

 “Have this. I made it with my own hands…”, she smiled.

 I took the bowl from her. And I saw my hands were trembling.

 “Thanks Aunty… Thanks a lot”, I said.

 “Thank you Beta. I am so sorry… that I disturbed you this morning”, she said.

 A ‘tear-let’ fell from my eyes. But I guess I did well in hiding it.

 “No Aunty… Please don’t say so… do let me know whenever you need me”, I said.

 “Thanks beta”, she said.

 I put on my slippers. Went outside. “Bye Aunty”, I said.

 “Bye Beta”, I saw the last look on her face which saw the loneliness that was going to come.

 She closed the door.

 I stopped at the stairs.

 I cried for the lady who “sent” her love many a times… but did not “receive” anything in return…

"ur Parents expectations are not ur money... they want ur love.."

"

we might have had few friends in school,

  by the time we come to college,

    they become child-hood friends...

we might have had lot of friends in college,

  by the time we finish college,

    they all become golden friends...

but we get lot more friends,

  as we start working in company,

    as tenure in a company is temporary so are they...

but as we go around the world,

  we still have few friends left,

    whom we call as very-close friends...

and they grow older just as us,

  their priority changes just as ours,

    they get busy with their personal life just like us...

and why the focus just on friends,

  why not the respectable relatives,

    most importantly our parents and family...

our relatives are always there to make occasions special,

  they are there when we want them and also when we don't,

   i think otherwise for our day to day life...

our life is nothing without our parents and family now,

  but our journey is little longer,

    as they have arrived here long before us...

by the way whats this all about,

  nothing too complicate or intricate,

    'just someone to talk with at later part of our life'...

by no means its so simple,

  neither it can be taken for granted,

    nor it can be ignored...

now we're too busy,

  too many things happening to us,

    too little we get time to think about that...

now we have all those persons,

  whoever we like to talk with,

    whenever and wherever we need to...

when all these running-around slows down,

  just walking alone in the roadside,

    makes us feel like your life is hell...

when no one is around to talk then,

  its scary to even think of that,

    a situation worse than nightmare...

we cant get adjusted so easily to new person then,

  just to avoid that situation then,

    'get married now'.

"

You might have heard about 'backward compatibility' in programming. for those who wonder what jargon am i talking about, let me give you a quick explanation. "In programming languages, backwards compatibility refers to the ability of a compiler for version N of the language to accept programs or data that worked under version N-1" (thanks to wikipedia). To explain it in English, its just a newer system, still be able to understand and communicate fluently with the previous old system. let me not confuse u more (hope u got what is backward compatible).

Lets now take a different route. lets talk about human interactions. when it comes to human, i dont like to measure the compatibility comparing with his/her own previous stage/version. Its measured between two persons, over time period or entire life. well, how do we define 'version's? i define it based on the person's experience, like, a person gets to a higher version, if he/she gets a sudden change, from which you see the same world little differently, which means gaining new experience. And the frequency of this version change is indirectly proportional to the age, whereas the version number is directly proportional to the age. By "between two persons", i'm not refering to just life-partners only, or to-be life partners only. This two persons can be related with any relationship, like dad/mom-son/daughter, lovers, life-partners, grandpa/grandma-grandson/granddaughter, or any distant relationships like relatives or beyond any relationship like friends. Also it does not depend on the gender of the two persons.

When two persons of same version has conversation, it always goes smoothly. The problem arises when there is difference in the version between the two person, or some version change happened just to one person among the two. The output of the conversation depends on how the communication between the two different version person flows. The lower version person (being in the modern world) may have advanced thinking and desires based on the present scenario. but still, the higher version person may reject your message, because its not sent in the proper way which the higher version person can accept it . So, instead of valuing your message, the higher version person simply considers the message from lower version person as invalid (which in lower-version standards, is very valid message). And the similar event happens when the higher version sends message to the lower version person, which is again rejected by the lower version person, considering the message as invalid. So, it always proves that, its always a problem when there is conversation between two different version persons.

So, Whats to solution to this problem? This has to be looked from two different views. First, from the lower version person: you haven't got/gained enough experience, hence you're in lower version. so, try to have "forward compatibility", by re-coding yourself in such a way to get the messages from higher version, decode it properly, and accept it if valid, otherwise, reply to that message in a way, which that higher version person can understand properly. Secondly, from higher version person: you might have got more experience, but some of which may be outdated. so, try to be "backward compatible", so that u can receive the message from lower version person, decode it properly, accept it if valid, otherwise, reply to that message in a way that lower version can understand properly.

When you consider yourself, you have persons with lower version, as well as persons with higher versions. Hence, to have smooth conversations/relationship, always learn to be both backward and forward compatible.

(I know. into too much of programming suddenly, may result in such kind of posts having stupid way of explaining things. cant help. please bear with me for some more time huh.. ;) )

The latest buzz word which i hear often these days is "busy". its either "i'm busy" or "i thought you're busy".

First, when will you say that you're busy? or how can you identify whether we're busy or not? My answer for that is plain and simple, when you haven't spoken with your friend for 'long time' (and the time-period for that 'long time' varies based on person to person). The reason for me to use 'friend', than any other relationship, is just because, you've the total freedom with friends, its neither a 'duty', which is the case with parents and relatives, nor 'mandatory', which is the case with your other-half or lover. you have the entire control over, when to talk to your friends, and also whom to talk, in that big list of friends. And all these absolutely out of your own personal INTEREST.

Well, just for a moment (tho i was observing about this one, for over some time, say about two months exactly ;) ), lets think of "how busy i'm?". In 24 hours, just remove 8 hours for sleep (and the time spent with your other-half), then 8 hours of work (this should be re-considered, but still lets have this 8hrs include chatting and moving along with other friends at work place.. but these days, this also includes lot of time of talking to your other-half or lover). So, remaining is a solid 8 hours, in which remove 4 hours for food and travel (roaming around or the time spent just for going one place to other). Then, 2 hours for 'duty' or 'mandatory' calls. After all these, we have 2 long hours daily, which is completely within our control, on how to spend that time. It may be for playing, reading, watching tv, etc, etc. But still, considering 2 hours daily, which accumulates to 14 hours a week (considering weekends also has a similar schedule, wherein instead of work, you spend in some other way, just as engaged as you're in work, so that you're not able to talk to your friend). Just wondering, in these 14 hours, cant we call our friend atleast once?? atleast say hi, hru, etc, etc??? ya ya. agreed to the fact that, you have pretty looong list of friends. but, i'm sure that, not all people are in the same level. We'll definitely have priorities for one over the other. So, cant we call atleast to them?? i think, WE CAN.

Finally, let me try to decode on, what makes us really 'busy' that we dont get time to call friends? (i hope you have read the mandatory above para, and hope you understood that we're really not busy) My answer to this question would be, just simply, because of lack of 'interest'. "Lack of Interest"!!!!!!! if you're wondering what that has to do with this, let me explain it little briefly. if you say someone as friend, there is something (or some quality) in them, which made you to be a friend with them. And also, you may have become friend accidently (not only love comes accidently, friendship too), but having an interest in talking to them, have kept that Friendship alive. So, Once that Interest gets affected, and it gets degraded, or if you have totally lost that interest, then You'll never ever get free time to call your 'friend', and you'll always be a busy bee to your friend. But, how does that 'interest' gets degraded or lost? I'll attribute this degradation to Two main things:

First and Foremost one is, "EXPECTATION"s. This is one big thing, and is the major cause for this degradation. We expect our friend to behave/react in someway, and our expectations are not met. degradation does not start immediately. once the disappointments gets accumulated, it slowly eats away all our interest in talking to the Friend. Also, there is another scenario, wherein, we expect our Friend to call us, and in the same way, our Friend wants us to initiate the conversation (basically, the so-called EGO, hidden shadow in each one of us). Ultimately, this tug-off-war continues, for ever and ever and ever. And one more thing is that, we expect or rather, we think that other person is busy and your friend thinks you're busy. here too there's a deadlock. i don't think your friend will ever get disturbed by your Hi. so, never wait for the other person, just go ahead and say Hi. (for all of you, a BIG 'Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii')

Second one is, our Friend's "ACTION"s. This is when, the other person does something, when we have no expectations, but that action somehow makes us feel little bad/sad. The one common thing which we can find in most of the person is, Talk with Friend ONLY when we need a favor from him/her. And when you realize that, the person you think as a Friend, talks to you only when she/he needs something to be done by you, it really makes a huge crater in that "Interest". you wont feel like talking to that person, with the same interest which you had previously before realizing that fact. And also, when you realize that the other person talks to you, just for the sake of talking, which otherwise will make a not-so-good name for him/her, not with any interest in talking. Though these actions from the other person reduces your interest in talking to him/her, in both the cases, its you who have to decide the next course of actions. There is this one other kind, called "Indirect Action", wherein, we just conclude that the other person is not interested, indirectly. examples may be, like not picking calls, no replies for 'many' msgs, or prepared for not talking to you, etc, etc. all these indirectly means the same. tho this may be temporary, it still makes considerable impact in the interest factor.

Whatever the reasons are, the point i want to make here is, Its just that Interest, which keeps the conversation going on, which fuels and keeps Friendship alive. So, never let anything to affect that little interest. And once that interest is always there, You'll definitely feel that, "I'M NOT AT ALL BUSY"

Recently was in discussion with one of my friend. She was telling "Even Techies are superstitious", when asked why, she told that a techie was arrested while he was doing Pooja , thinking that it was his mother-in-law's curse which is making him to suffer in this recession time, and thereby causing big nuisance in that area. I just asked, 'how do you call an act as a 'superstitious' one?'. Her reply was, of-course this one (pointing at that techie incident). "Then what will you call 'praying' in front of GOD as?", was my question. ".......", was the reply which i got. So, thought of looking deep into this.

superstition is defined as 'An irrational belief that an object, action, or circumstance not logically related to a course of events influences its outcome'. But we don't call someone as superstitious person, when he thinks about God, prays, goes to temple. But we do call him, when he thinks about God ALWAYS, prays ALL-THE-TIME or goes to temple DAILY. So for everything, we have a threshold level. The level beyond which you're treated or considered differently, just because the majority lies within the threshold level, and its those majority, who decides what that threshold level is. And even that level varies on the cause, situation and place. The same act of praying, when he does for his country to win a war, even if its daily, wont be considered as superstitious. In that scenario, the majority lies above the threshold level, where-in, those who does not do that, is considered to be a hard-hearted or whatever called by the majority.

Oops. let me not deviate, no more about this majority thing. So, Is this all had to do with praying or doing poojas? i would say , a definite, NO. This also includes fear of devil, etc. i would even include saying "best of luck" into this category, just because you tend to think that, Some power, mostly God, is/will-be in your side and hence uttering that word. All these things ultimately boils down to, "The belief in God".

Just was thinking how does that belief come to existence? Otherwise, how did it manage to exist these many centuries? I'm neither a historian, nor 5ve-100ed years old. All i can do is, imagine , imagine how the past would have been, based on my existence in these 20ty-4our years. I would define God's existence/continue to exist caz of three reasons.

1. Inspiration / Hope
2. Fear
3. Escape

Inspiration/Hope: I will rate this as first and foremost, because, its this thin line of hope, which gives you inner strength to scale greater heights. Many get inspired by believing that, there is someone looking at you, taking care of you all the time, no matter what you do, where you are or how you are. Many always feels stronger when they believe that "God is there with me", when there is none with them. Just imagining how that belief would have come. just one scenario. For some moments, forget about God Creating Adam, Eva, Serpent, Apple, etc etc. Just imagine that we got evolved over time, which is the reality but. Those very early years of Human Being's existence in this planet. People live in small groups, occasionally migrating across vast lands, which are dense forests, where they are more prone to be attacked by wild animals, where being together has always given them strength to defend them for their survival, also to hunt other animals for their food. Here comes the chance of them getting separated from the group or the necessity for people to travel alone in those unknown territories. When traveling alone, keeping their role-model in mind, or determined to see their loved-ones, gives them more strength. Also keeps them away from the deadliest disease called loneliness. This is then followed by generations after generations, believing that, keeping , once an ancestor, now Him, in mind gives that extra strength and inspiration. Always remember that, initially it was Sun, Moon, Stars and the tools which they use, were considered/worshiped as God, even now in most places. You can watch one such scenario of inspiration/hope well explained in the movie "Cast Away" - Wilson.

Fear: What does this "Fear" factor has to do with God? i would consider this as the second most possible reason, for God to continue existing, all through these centuries (as we saw how God came to existence in the previous para). This Belief of God makes us think twice (if not stopping us), before doing any wrong things, that God is watching us and we'll get return of what we did, though this same belief is the reason for doing good things (we'll discuss more on this in next para). Now comes another Avatar of God, the Evil God (oops.. me not saying God as Evil), i mean Devils. It makes more impact on people, when we say "Devil is watching you and if you do anything wrong, it'll catch you", than we saying "God will punish us". That strike of Fear in everyone's mind, when thinking of Devils, was used by all those people in power, in our early years, too keep the people from doing harm / wrong-things to other people, where wrong-act is bad to their community as well as not a good sign for more development in their society. And i'm no-way going to discuss the topic of how "wrong-things" are defined, because mostly they are from pure morality and few are made by those in power, based on circumstances.

Escape: Escape!!!!!! from what??? By "Escape" here i mean Escaping from wrong-doing/shame. Though the concept of Devil strikes fear in everyone's mind to restrict us from doing wrong-things, there are plenty of situations that, that fear is not enough to stop us doing so or doing wrong-act accidently. In those scenarios, what to do to cancel those sins? The solution is simple, surrender to The same Hope, God. There is beautiful word in Tamil "parikaaram", act of doing something to get out of the sin or nullify wrong-things, which is used often these days. And when you do parikaaram, all your sins are washed away, and it depends on to what extent, that wrong-act, affects them and society. Most of the times, this parikaaram, due to the fear that Devil will catch us if not done, becomes more useful to lot more people, which is a good thing to cancel the wrong-act.

I would end this little journey to the past, in search of God, with a disclaimer that, all the above sentences are NOT against God, NOT to affect anyones belief and NOT to make them change. Just few thoughts of mine, put into words. Its upto the each one to take whatever you feel good about it and leave the rest here.

So, Is God True or Illusion? Whether to belive or not? Is this belief Good or Bad? will leave those questions to you and you can answer it for yourself.