ya... as the subject line indicates, it has been really quite a looong time since there was any post here..

just was thinking what made me to be away from writing/posting? there were quite few reasons which flashed. First one being, little more iron at the back in work and i dont complain on this one, caz i really luv it ;).

Then comes the question of, what about the time spent at home after work hours? mmm.. this has been recently filled with the small small games in FB like Farmville, Cafe World, etc and other usual browsing stuff. once finished with this, or during doing these itself, i go to bed.

So, what about weekends/holidays, and recently there were lot of long weekends too? ya.. agreed.. but on almost ALL weekends, i somehow was away from the internet or even away from my Xappy. And missed my GF2 for some time too... :( Most of them were going out for trips, where even mobiles are not useful, other than to keep alarm. And one more sad part is, my GF1 has some troubles, well, not with me though. It has become too much sensitive that, even if i touch at any part of her, it considers it as my acceptance, and it accepts too.. (and its always a trouble when you think of something and your GF assumes some other thing u kno..) Apart from these two things, one very happy part was/is, my GF3 is absolutely at her best... soo nice to handle, and i'm spending most of my time with her on these holidays.. little relief on this part, and its good too...

And after all these thing, one major component for this loong time break was Laziness... caz there are lots of post still in draft stage, and me not able to complete those.. which mostly is attributed to my laziness or lack of interest (very little tho..) or change in my view/opinion which contradicts those in the drafts.. will try to post them, try my best, as i cant assure you of all those being promoted to be public post. sometimes, its good for them to be in draft, than as a post...

Whatever it is, will try to make this blog, back as lively as ever.. happy reading and happy blogging too...

You might have heard about 'backward compatibility' in programming. for those who wonder what jargon am i talking about, let me give you a quick explanation. "In programming languages, backwards compatibility refers to the ability of a compiler for version N of the language to accept programs or data that worked under version N-1" (thanks to wikipedia). To explain it in English, its just a newer system, still be able to understand and communicate fluently with the previous old system. let me not confuse u more (hope u got what is backward compatible).

Lets now take a different route. lets talk about human interactions. when it comes to human, i dont like to measure the compatibility comparing with his/her own previous stage/version. Its measured between two persons, over time period or entire life. well, how do we define 'version's? i define it based on the person's experience, like, a person gets to a higher version, if he/she gets a sudden change, from which you see the same world little differently, which means gaining new experience. And the frequency of this version change is indirectly proportional to the age, whereas the version number is directly proportional to the age. By "between two persons", i'm not refering to just life-partners only, or to-be life partners only. This two persons can be related with any relationship, like dad/mom-son/daughter, lovers, life-partners, grandpa/grandma-grandson/granddaughter, or any distant relationships like relatives or beyond any relationship like friends. Also it does not depend on the gender of the two persons.

When two persons of same version has conversation, it always goes smoothly. The problem arises when there is difference in the version between the two person, or some version change happened just to one person among the two. The output of the conversation depends on how the communication between the two different version person flows. The lower version person (being in the modern world) may have advanced thinking and desires based on the present scenario. but still, the higher version person may reject your message, because its not sent in the proper way which the higher version person can accept it . So, instead of valuing your message, the higher version person simply considers the message from lower version person as invalid (which in lower-version standards, is very valid message). And the similar event happens when the higher version sends message to the lower version person, which is again rejected by the lower version person, considering the message as invalid. So, it always proves that, its always a problem when there is conversation between two different version persons.

So, Whats to solution to this problem? This has to be looked from two different views. First, from the lower version person: you haven't got/gained enough experience, hence you're in lower version. so, try to have "forward compatibility", by re-coding yourself in such a way to get the messages from higher version, decode it properly, and accept it if valid, otherwise, reply to that message in a way, which that higher version person can understand properly. Secondly, from higher version person: you might have got more experience, but some of which may be outdated. so, try to be "backward compatible", so that u can receive the message from lower version person, decode it properly, accept it if valid, otherwise, reply to that message in a way that lower version can understand properly.

When you consider yourself, you have persons with lower version, as well as persons with higher versions. Hence, to have smooth conversations/relationship, always learn to be both backward and forward compatible.

(I know. into too much of programming suddenly, may result in such kind of posts having stupid way of explaining things. cant help. please bear with me for some more time huh.. ;) )

i rushed out of my office, not to see my GF (since there is none like that), not to see any of my waiting friends, not to catch bus, not to go to movie, not to buy anything. All that rush, is just to go home. Being in afternoon shift, starting to home so early from office is very strange one. honestly, it has never happened till now for me. So, to answer what made me to rush to home that early, All to get more SLEEP. Having watched "Air Crash Investigation" Program in NGC, and having it as one of my fav program, i'll now try to put in the cause, how the events happened and the solution for it.

It all started with the journey from madurai to bangalore, last sunday night. As usual, I boarded a local Govt. Bus from madurai to Hosur. Which is around 10 hours of travel. I was happy that i got a window seat and i can keep the windows open all thru the journey. But the problem was with the seat itself. Somehow i feel like, the ergonomics of the seat in Govt. buses were done solely for the purpose of injecting pain to your body. And it happened so for me too. I realised the pain, only when i reached bangalore and lied down for an hour at home. When i got up to get ready to office on monday morning, its was a hell of pain on neck, spine and back. But, it was ok. nothing like serious one, to apply leave and take rest. i didnt have any problem in goin to office.

Then comes the second event, Programming. Wondering what does programming had to do with this. Actually, I started programming again after 3 years of gap, during which there is not even any incident for me to do programming at all. So, its sooo tough to start it again. Though this time its Programming in Flash ActionScript, which i love the most, because of the lack of touch, it was very very difficult for me to get into that programming mode. I needed extreme concentration and complete dedication on that, to atleast get myself into that programming mode, which is almost impossible during office hours, as there is tons of distractions gauranteed for me, since in Support Team. So, i had to pull myself into doing it in nights also. So, little sleep over the last few nights, because of this back to programming part.

These two are two seperate events, neither of which is so harmful enough. Caz, i have done both these things, many number of times. Its something similar to that of "Tacoma Narrows Bridge" Collapse in 1940. These two events are not harmful, till that resonance frequency. But, that resonance happened for me at 5pm yesterday. That pain gets solved if i take rest for enough hours, which was held out by that programming. The pain was still there for last few days, growing day by day, hour by hour. So, yesterday decided that, no matter what, i'm goin to take rest for some loong time, ie sleep for more hours, so that i can get out of this stupid pain part. And having planned for a Jungle camp this weekend, its so vital for me to get out of that, as early as possible. Hence, yesterday i rushed from office at 5pm, didnt bother to waste time in walking and catching bus, took auto and reached home at 5.30, since not much of traffic at that time, just changed my dress, and direct to bed. Had a 12 hours of non-stop sleep, after very loong time, and now i'm back to form, no pain, no tiredness. yahooooooooooo... And, will try to get prepared for this, if this kind-of thing happens any time in future. hopefully it wont.

Note: No blaming or pointing fingers at anyone. there is no one to blame, other than me, Always.

i don't really want a thermometer
for i can feel the freezing chill
right till my stomach

i don't really want a rain-gauge
for i can quench my thirst
with the dews in my mustache

i don't really want an anemometer
for my two tear drops
never reached my chin

What I really wanted is
for the first ever time
her hand to hold mine.....

-redthil.c

The latest buzz word which i hear often these days is "busy". its either "i'm busy" or "i thought you're busy".

First, when will you say that you're busy? or how can you identify whether we're busy or not? My answer for that is plain and simple, when you haven't spoken with your friend for 'long time' (and the time-period for that 'long time' varies based on person to person). The reason for me to use 'friend', than any other relationship, is just because, you've the total freedom with friends, its neither a 'duty', which is the case with parents and relatives, nor 'mandatory', which is the case with your other-half or lover. you have the entire control over, when to talk to your friends, and also whom to talk, in that big list of friends. And all these absolutely out of your own personal INTEREST.

Well, just for a moment (tho i was observing about this one, for over some time, say about two months exactly ;) ), lets think of "how busy i'm?". In 24 hours, just remove 8 hours for sleep (and the time spent with your other-half), then 8 hours of work (this should be re-considered, but still lets have this 8hrs include chatting and moving along with other friends at work place.. but these days, this also includes lot of time of talking to your other-half or lover). So, remaining is a solid 8 hours, in which remove 4 hours for food and travel (roaming around or the time spent just for going one place to other). Then, 2 hours for 'duty' or 'mandatory' calls. After all these, we have 2 long hours daily, which is completely within our control, on how to spend that time. It may be for playing, reading, watching tv, etc, etc. But still, considering 2 hours daily, which accumulates to 14 hours a week (considering weekends also has a similar schedule, wherein instead of work, you spend in some other way, just as engaged as you're in work, so that you're not able to talk to your friend). Just wondering, in these 14 hours, cant we call our friend atleast once?? atleast say hi, hru, etc, etc??? ya ya. agreed to the fact that, you have pretty looong list of friends. but, i'm sure that, not all people are in the same level. We'll definitely have priorities for one over the other. So, cant we call atleast to them?? i think, WE CAN.

Finally, let me try to decode on, what makes us really 'busy' that we dont get time to call friends? (i hope you have read the mandatory above para, and hope you understood that we're really not busy) My answer to this question would be, just simply, because of lack of 'interest'. "Lack of Interest"!!!!!!! if you're wondering what that has to do with this, let me explain it little briefly. if you say someone as friend, there is something (or some quality) in them, which made you to be a friend with them. And also, you may have become friend accidently (not only love comes accidently, friendship too), but having an interest in talking to them, have kept that Friendship alive. So, Once that Interest gets affected, and it gets degraded, or if you have totally lost that interest, then You'll never ever get free time to call your 'friend', and you'll always be a busy bee to your friend. But, how does that 'interest' gets degraded or lost? I'll attribute this degradation to Two main things:

First and Foremost one is, "EXPECTATION"s. This is one big thing, and is the major cause for this degradation. We expect our friend to behave/react in someway, and our expectations are not met. degradation does not start immediately. once the disappointments gets accumulated, it slowly eats away all our interest in talking to the Friend. Also, there is another scenario, wherein, we expect our Friend to call us, and in the same way, our Friend wants us to initiate the conversation (basically, the so-called EGO, hidden shadow in each one of us). Ultimately, this tug-off-war continues, for ever and ever and ever. And one more thing is that, we expect or rather, we think that other person is busy and your friend thinks you're busy. here too there's a deadlock. i don't think your friend will ever get disturbed by your Hi. so, never wait for the other person, just go ahead and say Hi. (for all of you, a BIG 'Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii')

Second one is, our Friend's "ACTION"s. This is when, the other person does something, when we have no expectations, but that action somehow makes us feel little bad/sad. The one common thing which we can find in most of the person is, Talk with Friend ONLY when we need a favor from him/her. And when you realize that, the person you think as a Friend, talks to you only when she/he needs something to be done by you, it really makes a huge crater in that "Interest". you wont feel like talking to that person, with the same interest which you had previously before realizing that fact. And also, when you realize that the other person talks to you, just for the sake of talking, which otherwise will make a not-so-good name for him/her, not with any interest in talking. Though these actions from the other person reduces your interest in talking to him/her, in both the cases, its you who have to decide the next course of actions. There is this one other kind, called "Indirect Action", wherein, we just conclude that the other person is not interested, indirectly. examples may be, like not picking calls, no replies for 'many' msgs, or prepared for not talking to you, etc, etc. all these indirectly means the same. tho this may be temporary, it still makes considerable impact in the interest factor.

Whatever the reasons are, the point i want to make here is, Its just that Interest, which keeps the conversation going on, which fuels and keeps Friendship alive. So, never let anything to affect that little interest. And once that interest is always there, You'll definitely feel that, "I'M NOT AT ALL BUSY"

Last weekend, was a whole new relaxing weekend, almost like a weekend Getaway. Completely out of all the engagements/appointments/schedules/etc/etc (frankly, i'm not busy at all... will discuss about this topic later in-detail). Infact, the schedule for last weekend was very straight and simple, Just eat (u remember that i'm in DIET rite), watch tv and sleep. And this is not just for last weekend, everytime i go to madurai, this is/will be the schedule always. And my home compound walls are the boundaries for me. Once entered into it, will never dare to step out, till i start back to bangalore (good kid u kno). This is not because of the climate tho, this time climate was also kind-of good. The only thing which, bothers me sometimes, makes me happy otherwise, is, my mom will never come out of kitchen. She'll be cooking something or other, caz its like a huge break for her to prepare varieties (dont ever dare to ask my mom what vegetables i wont hav, she'll never stop the list)

This time, the main topic for the whole two days was, "Why am i not eating well!" (!!!!!!) Even after telling her thousand, million times that i will/have never compromised on food, she again comes back to the title saying, "You have lost lot of weight" (i too feel sad for that, but...). She was little ok, till my dad too, asked the same question (usually, he wont ask anything like this...). This one statement from my dad, added tons of fuel to the spark in my mom. So, finally left home on sunday evening with scoldings/threatening/blackmail that, if next time i come home like this (with weight loss), she'll come and stay permanently in bangalore. Atleast for that, i should continue my "DIET".

One amazing thing, which too was special in this trip was, in all those 8ight different buses i traveled in this trip, i mean "ALL the 8ight buses", i managed to get my favorite seat (leftmost seat in the last row, near the rear entrance steps), which is very very rare. With the windows open all time, the chill (very chill) air , breezes through the body, sooo pleasant.

(From what???) actually, for past few (3ree) months, i (my life) was kind of out-of-focus one. few (not to be bothered) things were creeping my memory. i was in kind of war (with my mind, memory, everything) to do 'shift-delete' of that crap. It always Abended (Abnormal End - lil remembrance from Mainframe coding) with "Cannot be deleted permanently". So, finally found the solution, after this (one sided) long war. No - didnt manage to deletely permanently. Found an (worthy) alternative. Managed to delete it to Recycle-bin and clear the cache too. Tho its not out of my memory completely, its not in the region where it'll be accessed often. Thats the reason, for me to tell boldly that, "I'M BACK"

(So what???) By any chance, if you feel like, i have, not talked to you, or not called you, or not replied to your call, or not msged you, or not replied to your msg, or not pinged you, or not replied to your ping, or not replied to your comments, or didnt disturb you.... tons of apologies from me... me confident that it wont happen again. you can see me back in form now. me totally (re-)charged to bug you all. see ya...

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Go for an outing, leave ur sadness (if any), come back afresh...

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
Always had two types of Dreams.. Short & Long Term... If Short, like getting an mobile or lappy or SLR or Car (My 4 GFs, impressed 3, eyeing on the 4th one) , i would make sure that money is not just wasted in those... If Long, like travelling into outer-space, i wont return... ;)

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
i have to practice yoga and aasanas for that...

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
4GF is still left for me... and of-course Long-Term Dream.. Waiting for you to give it to me...

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
May be.. But for sure, my lover would be my best-friend from then.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
i would rate 2nd as more blessed. whatever it is, someone is blessed.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Until my parents find "someone" else.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Same as Question 1

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
"All the world's a stage..." - i always keep this in mind.

10. What takes you down the fastest?
whatever it may be, someother thing will bring me up thousand times faster than that.

11. How do you see yourself at this time ten years down the line?
In some part of the world, definitely not in India, playing with kids in swing.

12. What’s your fear?
I always fear on what will make me fear.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
One - Expert in cooking, atleast prepares nice dosa.
Two - who likes to see everyone around him, be happy, like how he is.. :P

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
try both... but always, a Poor Kid

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
make sure that i switch off my alarm before it shouts, so that it wont wake my brother.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
i would like to know what 'all'? and in what 'relationship'?

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
its always sequential you kno..

18. Would you forgive and forget, no matter how horrible a thing someone has done?
All i need is, refer: Question 1.

19.Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
Again, 2nd.

20. List 2 people to tag.
Chandrasekar (want him to start bloggin again)
Harsha (macha... enjoy maadi..)

Rewinding my life for about 3 years. That's the time when, When someone asked me "Do you love Me?". Without any research, without any background verification, without analyzing the likes nd dislikes of each other, without comparing where we're aligned and where we're not, without any hesitation, just kept her in mind, as a part of my life, for a second and it was that moment, The Moment, which i felt, like million butterflies flapping its wings, like million stars sparkling, like million flowers blossoming, like million rain-drops falling in dry land, in my heart. You know what, this what i feel and call it as "Love". And My answer, immediately was, "YES". It was just four days from that moment, during which we discussed lot of things because it wont be smooth ride for both of us to get thru this and I completely TRUSTed Her to the core - believe me when i say its so hard to get someone TRUSTing Her like that, when i told my dearest friend, honestly, it was him who found the difference in me and asked, He was so stubborn and doesn't want me to proceed with this thing. But even then, i TRUSTed Her so much and never wanted to step myself down or never regretted, Until i actually came to know that, my TRUST is not worth at all, its so so so stupid to TRUST such person. It doesn't matter whether its four days or forty years. Its just that TRUST which matters always. Its hard to put in words how that feels like. Damn!!!! And its Life you know. It has to go on. Whatever.

And it does not end with that. Even when you fall into deep water,like a well, it pushes you up for three times towards the surface, it gives you three chances for you to survive. I just thought my first chance is already over. And i'm in surface now. But there is this downward force which tries to pull you down. Though first time, its by accident, second time its completely under your control only. And i was ready to take the risk of the second time, but this time it was me who felt that i love HER (not the same person). But i never told HER, for that matter, not to anyone in this universe. As usual was waiting waiting waiting for the right moment. But only later to find that i waited too much and realized how stupid i'm to let all my chances down, only when i came to know that , SHE found HER good soul-mate. SHE never knew and will never know who HER BEST soul-mate is or could have been. I like HER so much, even when SHE told me that, i couldn't say anything, anything. How stupid i'm. there is no point in feeling so much for that now. And my second chance, gone for toss due to my stupidity. I still dont know, whether SHE's fortunate or I'm fortunate for this. Caz, now i'm back to the surface so strongly that no force, how much strength it may have, can pull me down. And its Life you know. It has to go on. Whatever.

By the way, wondering why suddenly confessing it here!!!!! You remember these words "somehow-sometimes-somethings-somewhere". yes, that feeling sad for nothing. the same one. finally found this is "The Thing". It was just lying in mind somewhere, without being told to anyone. This bug was invisibly creeping in my mind all these times. Finally, i found it, and throwing it down here and dumping nd locking it completely so that it never comes back to my mind again.

So, Whats the takeaway for you from this post?? First, if you think you Love someone, never wait for your turn or never wait for chance or never have second-thoughts to tell the other person that you love him/her so much. Even if you know that it'll surely get rejected, never hold back, just express what you feel,. Express yourself. Secondly, on the other side, if anyone proposes to you, just keep them in your mind for a second, feel how you feel, and if you feel like what i mentioned, then call it as Love. And i agree its risky. i agree something like what happened to me can happen. But, never call something as Love, if you do whatever i have told after "without" in the first para. Its something like arranged Marriage only, where you take time, get info of the other person, analyze everything, blah blah blah... Never ever call that as Love. Its so stupid to call that as Love. Love is there in Heart, which does not want anything like this. It has no connection with Brain, which does the analysis part. Love is purely about how you feel from Heart. Its purely emotional. Its always the Feeling which decides whether you're in Love with a person or not. Only after that, you struggle (in most of the cases, but the trend is changing) to make it practical. When you give importance to both practical and emotional at the same level, you should never ever claim you're in Love. And i strongly think that "True Love" has nothing to do with the number/times. At the same time, you cant say that you have "True Love" with many people, caz, as i said, its always like falling into the deep water.

And this post is not in intent of hurting anyone, or not written with keeping anyone in mind. though tagged as personal, being published here in my blog, you have every right to write comment. But i have only one caution or note or warning or DANGER, to you. Whoever it may be, Never ever ask me to whom those first two para refers to, until and unless you dare to marry me. Lastly, Happy Valentines Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its the wedding season!!!! and its also the high time for lot of my friends, looking to be part of another persons life, to make that person's life more better, than before. Or accept someone to be their life-partner, to make life more beautiful. And hence i could hear most people, almost all, with a list, a strange list, but a meaningful one, meaningful atleast from their view. In their view, its called as "conditions", but i call it as "wishlist", caz, its difficult to satisfy the conditions, conditions are strict in nature... whereas wishes, are good if they come true, i would not call that as flexible, but certainly not that strict as conditions... So, just thought , for a while, what would be my wishlist, ONLY if its MANDATORY to hav one.... Came up with...